Home for the Holidays: The Seasonal Mismatch of NotMoms & Relatives

Holidays mix together your relatives and your personal life in a way that Christmas carols don't talk about. A pinch of patience with your eggnog and a pile of strong boundaries will get you through.

Christmas can be a really painful time for NotMoms.  It’s not about the absence of children; it’s about the presence of relatives. 

Many a NotMom is headed toward a holiday fraught with “Still no kids? Did you try [fill in the blank]?.” Or, to the deliberately childfree: “Are you sure you’re not gonna change your mind? You’ll be sorry later!”

For a childfree-by-choice woman, visions of slapping Aunt Minnie may spring to mind. For the NotMom who really wanted children badly, a nosy, thoughtless remark sparks spontaneous tears.

Merry merry.

The Yuletide lessons are for you, not them, and the word to remember is Boundaries. Yup. Those cattle are gettin’ ready to run right off the ranch.  Round ‘em up and keep ‘em where you want ‘em to be.

“No, Aunt Minnie. I haven’t changed my mind and I don’t plan to. Can I get you another cup of punch?” Then, disengage. Walk away if at all possible, or risk escalation.

“My personal life is personal, Aunt Minnie.” Then, disengage. 

In either case, your visit should be over in just a few days. Boundaries must remain in place forever.

PS. For NotMoms with testicular fortitude and/or a good sense of humor, consider delivering the news remotely, perhaps even in advance with an e-singing telegram. Yeah. That’ll do it.

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