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Home for the Holidays & Still No Kids: Time for Those 'Big Girl Panties'

Well-meaning but intrusive relatives at holiday gatherings can be a challenge for women without children. Personal boundaries will help; anger and tears rarely do.

Spending time with family this holiday season? Gird your loins. Thanksgiving and December holidays can be a really painful time for NotMoms.  It’s always about the absence of children; sometimes it’s about the presence of relatives.

Many a NotMom is headed home to a house full of unwanted questions. “Still no kids? Did you try [fill in the blank]?.” Or, to the deliberately childfree: “Are you sure you’re not gonna change your mind? You’ll be sorry later!”

For a childfree-by-choice woman, visions of bitchslapping Aunt Minnie may spring to mind. For the NotMom who really wanted children badly, a nosy, thoughtless remark can spark spontaneous tears.

Merry merry.

The Yuletide lessons are for you, not them, and the word to remember is Boundaries. Yup. Those cattle are gettin’ ready to run right off the ranch.  Round ‘em up and keep ‘em where you want ‘em to be.

“No, Aunt Minnie. I haven’t changed my mind and I don’t plan to. Can I get you another cup of punch?” Then, disengage. Walk away if at all possible, or risk escalation.

“My personal life is personal, Aunt Minnie.” Then, disengage.

In either case, your visit should be over in just a few days. Boundaries must remain in place forever.

By Chance NotMoms are finding their own path and gifts they offer the world that don’t include children. Childfree by choice women I know are more accepting of a life without kids; they just wish others were as accommodating.

Remember the facts, and share them as needed: More American women than ever before — one-fifth –will never give birth. You are not alone.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

nothnk you December 09, 2012 at 10:24 AM
You make no attempt to include into your 'group', those childless women whom are without a significant other,yet long for both.Not very compassionate.
Karen Malone Wright December 17, 2012 at 02:46 PM
The causes of childlessness, including lack of a partner, were never a focus of this particular post which centers on women without kids at the holidays and ways to handle relatives' reactions. At my website, TheNotMom.com, I have discussed the challenges of women who want a partner and a child but have neither, a situation recently dubbed "emotional infertility" in a British study. (http://thenotmom.com/emotional-infertility-its-all-about-the-man-or-lack-of-one/)

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