Gag Me With a Gift

Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy - "Gag Me with a Gift"

To understand this story, there are only two things you need to know. First, as a child I was absolutely obsessed with Christmas. Second, my brother-in-law loved to tease me. The two were not a good combination.

First, let me tell you about my love of Christmas. To say I loved Christmas is an understatement. I was crazy about it. I think a lot of it came from the fact that we were a pretty poor family. Instead of my mom wondering what she was getting us for Christmas, she was often wondering how she would get us groceries for another week. So when Christmas came around it was truly something special. I knew that this would be one of the few times each year I would be guaranteed to get some new toys or games.

I got so excited that every year I would cut out strips of paper, staple them together, number them, and make a Christmas chain to count down the days until the big event, ripping one off each morning. And I would make the chain in June. As the date finally got close, I couldn’t even sleep at night, lying awake thinking of what I might get. To make it worse, my mom would put the wrapped presents under the tree weeks before Dec. 25, so they could sit there every day taunting and teasing me with their mysterious hidden secrets.

And that's where my brother-in-law comes in. Gary is truly a great guy, and he really did go out of his way all through my childhood to spend time with me, take my brother Rich and I out to do things, and basically be a father figure for me. However, he also liked to play practical jokes on us. A lot.

Sometimes I think he was a genius jokester and mastermind of mischief. Other times I wonder if perhaps I was just a very gullible little boy who was very easy to trick. Now that I have three young sons of my own, I am leaning much more toward the gullible option.

Anyway, Gary loved to play jokes on Rich and me, and one of them happened to be on Christmas. As usual we had begged and pleaded and cried to our mom to let us open one gift ahead of time on Christmas Eve. That particular year I was thrilled when Gary told us that yes we could open one and only one present each, just as long as it was the present he had gotten for us. Thinking back I don’t know how I couldn’t see what was coming. Yeah, gullible.

My brother and I promised to stop whining if we were allowed to open Gary’s presents. With great excitement and probably dilated pupils, we ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal the gifts that certainly had never been on anyone's Christmas list. Rich got a couple of chewed up, holey, stinky old socks, and I got a bag of prunes. Gary explained that the gifts were actually from his dog, and that his dog had done Rich’s present first and then made mine afterward.

I am sure the neighbors could hear me screaming.

So all these years (and therapy sessions) later, now I am the grown-up, and I have my three sons. Gary taught me well (or warped me as the case may be) and I think the boys are getting to an age where they too will be able to appreciate the unique joy of an unexpected gag gift. So far our oldest son, Carter, has been the only victim, and at the hands of our teenage daughter no less.

Last year, Chrissee had been teasing Carter that she was having a hard time shopping for him because she just couldn’t find the right size dress, which of course drove him crazy. Well, Christmas morning finally came and when he opened up his present from Chrissee, sure enough it was a pretty pink dress. She did pull out her real gift for him eventually, when we all stopped laughing (well, maybe Carter wasn’t laughing).

Now he swears to get revenge on Chrissee. His plan is to go to a local thrift store to find the absolute ugliest Christmas sweater possible for her. (If you are reading this, Chrissee, just remember to act surprised.) However, she is a poor college student, so his plan may backfire and she may actually be grateful for the sweater.

In the end, yes it is great to give and receive thoughtful gifts at Christmas, which we all should do. However, a gag gift can be a great gift as well. It gives laughter, memories and a chance to grow closer as a family.

How about you? Have you given or received a great gag gift? If so, tell us about it in the comments below. I am looking for some particularly clever ideas for three little guys in my life.