A Lazy Person’s Journey Through the Standard Process Cleanse

I'm doing the Standard Process 21-Day Cleanse. This is going to be hard. I will make it funny. Blogging keeps me accountable.

I am lazy. There, I said it. Admission is the first step, right? So when my sister-in-law sent me a text message asking if I was interested in doing the Standard Process 21-Day Cleanse followed up with a message about attending a fish fry as one of her last binge meals I responded, “Yes to the fish fry. No to the cleanse.”

I was able to come up with several additional reasons not to do the cleanse, but mainly just that it seemed like a lot of work and I just wasn’t up to such commitment and abstention, especially during Fish Fry Season (aka Lent). Sense the irony in reason one?

Reason 2:  I am a caffeine, nay coffee junky. I drink coffee from the moment I walk into the office until around 3:30 pm. I am not a coffee snob; I drink what is made available to me. This includes the pre-packaged Maxwell House that is brewed in our office. I actually think the low level of caffeine in the office blend is what gives me the ability to drink coffee all day long. Coffee and caffeine are not permitted on the cleanse.

Reason 3: I really love food. I love eating food. Sometimes I enjoy cooking food. I am not a food snob; I can eat a strawberry Pop-Tart with as much gumption as I can blackened scallops over Gouda risotto. I understand the concept of calories, fats, healthy fats, etc. I also understand the concept that exercise is probably a good idea, but as I said before, I’m lazy. Damn you America and your convenience foods and television sets (kidding – I take accountability for my food intake).

Kidding aside – I care about my health and I want my kids to see me making healthy decisions. That is why I sneak away into the kitchen or bedroom so they can’t see me secretly eating their Halloween candy. I really want to live in a house where my kids automatically reach for an apple instead of opening the pantry door looking for junk. I want my kids to be healthy and active and not couch potatoes who look like potatoes. A friend of mine, who is a teacher, often says just before a break or summer vacation, “I can do anything for XX days” and the countdown begins. So I made the commitment. I would begin the cleanse AFTER Easter (I’m not passing up on ham) and I CAN do anything for 21 days.

This is my journey on the Standard Process 21-Day Cleanse. I will try to update daily (who am I kidding—weekly) on how I'm feeling, lessons I learn, if my caffeine withdrawal has caused me to inflict bodily harm on anyone, and maybe even a few recipes I prepare along the way.

And here is the plug—you can learn more about or purchase the Standard Process Cleanse from my brother-in-law Dr. Brandon Blood at The Neck and Back Center in Canton, Ohio.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Chellsea Mastroine April 16, 2012 at 04:47 PM
Thank you for your support, Frank! I do my best on the writing front, and am fortunate that Morgan does a bit of editing before my posts go live! And also, that excellent massage therapist you speak of is actually my husband - so you have given me a triple win for the day!
Kali Pantalone August 21, 2012 at 06:45 PM
I can't figure out how to read past this page for the weekly updates. HELP!
Morgan Day August 21, 2012 at 07:16 PM
Hey Kali! Chellsea posted two updates after this blog post. Here's her take on week 1: http://patch.com/B-JZP, and on week 2: http://patch.com/B-LRS
Ally Belvail November 02, 2012 at 02:18 PM
What a waist of time. Was looking for purification information, not a story.
Morgan Day November 02, 2012 at 02:35 PM
Hi, Ally. Glad to see you've found our Local Voices section on North Canton Patch! This is where folks from the North Canton community share their personal stories and opinions. If you're looking for hard-and-fast info, try checking out the Standard Process Cleanse website here: https://www.standardprocess.com/Home


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